18 March 2018

Depression, This Time


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Hudson Valley in fog



This time it sits like fog in her visual field,
fog like pea soup along the Hudson River, thick
and unrelenting, it absorbs the light that tries
to penetrate it, all the “why don’t yous” and hugs
get lost in the grey thickness of despondency.

This time it sits like cotton balls in her ears, sound
muffled and balance off, so if she stood she might
get lost or fall and hit her head and sink in a
pothole so big she'd need to be towed out, fog horns
blasting, embarrassing her like her car alarm. 

This time the similes prompt her to write, to be 
amused that she's chewing cookie after cookie, 
the stash open on the coffee table between
herself and the TV, tuned in to anything,
and her still sitting, not moving to get paper.

This time she knows the fog can't stay. Her mood
lifts it. She hasn't much patience for old stories, 
just two more cookies worth before she stands, opens 
the door and ushers fog into the night.  This time
she notices that sight and sound and light return.




My blog poems are rough drafts. 
Please respect my copyright. 

© 2018 Susan L. Chast

21 comments:

Thotpurge said...

Can writing help lift the fog and bring in the light... I definitely hope so. Positive tone at the end is so hopeful.

Donna@LivingFromHappiness said...

Interesting how that thick fog can muddle our creativity....so much in the fog to break us down. But I love seeing what can knock us back into the light. Wish I could eat those cookies....sugary yumminess always gave my brain a kick start. Now it is patience, inner work and nature. Really enjoyed this Susan.

Sanaa Rizvi said...

My goodness this is good! You describe the lure of depression as it slowly gnaws away at the poetic mind so poignantly. Especially like "She hasn't much patience for old stories, just two more cookies worth before she stands, opens the door and ushers fog into the night." Beautifully executed!💖

Magical Mystical Teacher said...

A mood to lift the fog--yes! One would hope that such a mood would come more often. Alas, the fog often wins.

Julian said...

I think you have captured how dark moods can feel and beauty as the light returns offering a positive ending.

Sherry Marr said...

Your description is so apt - the fog, the cotton balls in the ears, the hugs that can't reach her......I smile at the cookies, am glad when the limit is drawn, and VERY glad that this time she notices the sight and sound and light returning.

brudberg said...

The description of depression as fog is so very vivid... love that it can be cured by cookies.

Fog has it's way of coming and going, and every morning you have to check if it's there or not.

rallentanda said...

I can relate to this one. Great description of depression. Sitting and not moving even to get paper.Munching cookies comatosed by the idiot box. But you did manage to stand and open the doors to let in the air and light so you get brownie points and gold stars for that:)

Neeraj Khanka said...

Very intense, Susan. And, the closing lines brings a ray of hope, lovely.

Mary said...

You have really captured what depression is like & the way (sometimes counter-productive) people deal with it. I like the ending...with the door ushering the fog into the night. And then there is a glimpse of light. May there be a better tomorrow!

Vivian Zems said...

This was intense in your description of the heavy fog lifting. Good that it ends on a positive note.

Robert Bourne said...

A compelling write which lead us through the darkness but gave us hope at the end....

R.K. Garon said...

You cracked the spell. Great reading for me.
ZQ

Wendy Bourke said...

A lovely job on the cascading/intermingling of similies against the fog of depression. And, when I reached the close on this, it literally felt like a waft of fresh air letting in the light. I liked this piece very much, Susan.

Old Egg said...

Living by myself how often I feel like this, and my only answer is to be a busy as possible every day. When I'm out I talk to everybody even strangers and have a satisfied feeling that life is pretty good after all. What a great poem Susan.

Colleen Looseleaf said...

I love this. It makes me want to write about my waves of darkness. I think meeting it like this is an antidote. I especially love the cotton balls in the ears line.

dsnake1 said...

the mood is very well captured.
you spoke of darkness in the beginning but offers us hope at the end..

Gillena Cox said...

Luv the awareness the, cookie comfort, the poetic light, the rhythm, and process of transfiguration in your poem. this is sweet!!! pardon my pun.

much love...

P.S. happy you dropped by my Sunday Standard this week

annell said...

Yes, depression, but I am reminded of "trama." After the phone call...shock. A wonderful write, you are really captured "something," very accurately. Perhaps just a little differengt for each of us?

Magaly Guerrero said...

I love this one, Susan. I love that she goes through the fog, digests it, and opens her doors to life and light again. I'm smiling like a lunatic. :-)

hyperCRYPTICal said...

I have been sad several times, but luckily clinically depressed only once – and how well you describe it Susan, the fog that pervades, even consumes who we are. It is difficult to shift as it overwhelms us, becomes the ‘us’ we don’t want to be.
But then the joy of cookies return and we begin to take those first faltering steps forward…
Big hugs!
Anna :o]