Eyes moist and back bent, I pause over the slowed hands and open clock of the task. How I used to write about love and touch and feelings! My eyes move them into my body—gems glistening and rushes of hillside brooks, shade of soft pine and grassy clearings, sweaty beds in small rooms and long conversations—desires quenched and unquenched.
I talk to them, memorize them, try to order them in time. I thrust them away if the emotion is too surprisingly hot or cold. I didn’t save the in-betweens, just page after page of passion, nothing a simple yes or no. Shall I take you there? Better I tell you that this time is a gift to myself. I will keep a few boxes to torture myself with later.
Now my heart is spilling over, but recalled in tranquility, poetry may blossom from this soil, maybe a memoir or, better, a novel. I fertilized the ground in days when life was too vibrant to pause and create this other level of experience. But maybe I will not write, only linger occasionally in the wealth of the past. I look forward to the next adventure.
Rediscovered bones
Something to hang the flesh on
When today allows.
For Sumana's prompt "Memory / Remembering" at What's Going on?
".How I used to write about love and touch and feelings! My eyes move them into my body—gems glistening and rushes of hillside brooks, shade of soft pine and grassy clearings, sweaty beds in small rooms and long conversations—desires quenched and unquenched. " This is so evocative about those days that now exist only in memory now. But thankfully, you have the memories; and if you begin to forget, you have them written down. Bitter-sweet, I am sure.....but rich. Don't throw any of them away. Weave them into poetry, novels, but do not rid yourself of the memories of those wonderfully rich days!
ReplyDelete"But maybe I will not write, only linger occasionally in the wealth of the past" - yes, yes keep them all... the love poems, the passion poems, the cringe poems, the "oh no" poems and the rest... they are the story!!!
ReplyDeleteDo keep a few boxes to read later. Every time I downsize, I come up against the same conumdrum - all the writings, papers, notebooks of my past. Now quite whittled down and perhaps soon to be further reduced. I enjoyed this read so much. And see in your china cabinet you still have packing to do. I so know this feeling!
ReplyDelete"It would be easier to trash the whole lot, but then I’d miss the exquisite pain of vivid memory, moments raved about and suffered over." I so resonate with the line. To move from this to "Better I tell you that this time is a gift to myself. " is a journey of courage. Then it's another story, rich with feelings, when a vibrant life chooses to pause and reflect. So wonderfully expressed.
ReplyDeleteRediscovered bones
ReplyDeleteSomething to hang the flesh on
When today allows. OH MY! That one gets right to the point.
I, too, have moved this month, after 13 years in my old town. Remember, it's always an adventure... but first, you have to plow through all the flotsam! Wishing you patience with that process...
Absolutely exquisite writing... enjoying the exquisite torture.. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteSusan,
ReplyDeleteI fully understand your situation at the moment. House moving is always filled with these moments of decision-making...
As you have written about, "lingering occasionally in the wealth of the past," that allows you to revisit when time is more plentiful.
Remembering is a lifetime of memories...you're adding new ones, with your next location..Happy Thanksgiving
Ah! I understand how you feel. Downsizing is never easy! Your poem sensitively evokes the poignancy and bittersweet quality of decluttering a home full of write ups and objects laden with memories. Keep the poems for future reference.....and never say goodbye to them.
ReplyDeleteYou are right we will just keep a few. Hold them to our hearts. It is a time for every life. No in-betweens. We will lift a glass and we will remember. A wonderful poem. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteOh, wait, I don't want to be Anonymous, I am annell. We are told Anonymous is a woman, and this is true.
ReplyDelete