"Just start by creating your day. Then create your life.”
I’m in the middle of the transition
before I gasp and pause: How quickly
a 20-year commitment to a house
that's home can unravel on route to a pared
down, simpler living. I might as well
have cast-off 40 or 60 years—or five.
Mid-move I feel too much change too quickly.
I dread the closeness of apartment-house neighbors.
I started casting on a new home with green and brown
hope, but now add in some of my old sweet rose threads
of privacy and creativity, the gold of habit. And, yes,
all the autumn colors demand a place as well.
The faces here mirror mine in age and
in smiles. Are they afraid, too? I wonder.
Maybe we will exchange yarns when our
stitches relax. What am I making? What
will we make together? Let them remain
two different products, two different paths.
I’m afraid of being swallowed, afraid
of swallowing, afraid of following,
afraid of being followed, afraid of
being afraid instead of relaxing
and being me, growing row by row.
Time to expand. Mourning will come later.
For my prompt "Moving House and Home" at What's Going On?
My blog poems are rough drafts.
Please respect my copyright.
© 2023 Susan L. Chast
It is a very big change from one's own home to more communal living. I love that you are adding in some old rose threads among the green and brown. I have moved so many times, down sizing each time, but I keep with my the last of my treasures, to make the new place feel like home. They comfort me. Your poem is one that so many will resonate with. On the other side of this transition, after the newness wears off, I hope you venture out into the lobby and find a smiling face or two to chat with. One thing we do learn in these places, is that connection is there if we wish it, but also solitude waits behind our closed doors and people respect that. I look forward to walking with you through this next while as you explore a new way of being that you are brave enough to make.
ReplyDeleteIts all part of mourning, and growth. Any new thing can be as daunting. It has nothing to do with your need or the desirability of the change.
ReplyDeleteA big decision to make, one I will be faced with too in time. I hope you settle in soon and find both the comfort of having people around should you want them and the privacy and space you have been used to in the past.
ReplyDeleteWhat I love about this poem is, its strength, its rising above all trepidation and apprehension and being decisive. And how I love "Time to expand." There is much space here.
ReplyDeleteIt’s only a matter of years before I will have to consider moving to a retirement home and your poem has made me think about it in a different light, Susan. I too worry about ‘too much change too quickly’ and ‘of being swallowed’. I remember my grandmother moved to a retirement home in the same place as her best friend, and had a lovely companionable time – until her friend died. That is what I worry about most.
ReplyDeleteThe poem powerfully presents the fear of being swallowed of this move not being a move but rather an ending....a being swallowed .. perhaps by time itself in jaws that have opened and moved inexplicably quickly.... the fear of "relaxing" of growing row by row - yet I also sense that there it is a hope and desire that this move will be simply and profundly that, a move, to a new life where you shall grow with others in directions unknown and yet companionable, safe and connected with others.
ReplyDeleteSusan,
ReplyDeleteI guess that the biggest part of your move, was your final decision to do so. It's certainly a major life crossroads, in planning to sell your home and all that goes with parting company with excess belongings and items collected over a lifetime.
Good luck with it all and best wishes for your new surroundings.
Yes it is a big transition and a choice you have made because you probably did not have much option. You are strong and will adapt to your new situation. I wish you well and remember that treasure trove trunk that you carry around with you filled with imagination inspiration and poems will stand you in good stead. .....Rall
ReplyDeleteThis "time" comes to all of us, if we are lucky enough. I received an email this morning from a mutual friend, that a old friend had gone away. She told her husband, she wasn't feeling well, and needed to go to the hospital, she died the following morning, sometimes death comes after a long illness, sometimes death comes without illness, just a sudden surprise, and how can that be. We all know death comes in it's own time to each of us. So perhaps just moving from one place to another, will be OK. I hope so. annell livingston
ReplyDeleteSomething I Think About-annell